When a Man Loves a Woman
What does it mean to really love somebody? The world's definition of love sometimes blurs a line between lust and fiction novels without ever really depicting love. Some mistake physical attraction for love. Others believe they are loved although they are abused. Some wait patiently for love to blossom yet may simply have not found someone who is loving them back in the manner their love is being forwarded. Some sadly do not know what love is and so haven't a clue how to love others or allow themselves to be loved. I have been all of these.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
When I think about my wife, I think about a person whom I'd die for. I think about someone who I guard jealously and look after with a watchful eye. I walk her to the lady's restroom when we're out in public. She waits for me while I open a car door or any door for her. She expects to be escorted like the queen she is. Now, you may think to yourself I'm obsessed and I am most likely a control freak, but let me be clearer. I protect my wife. She is the person God has gifted and blessed me to 'have and to hold.' She is my heart. I've learned some lessons by experience ( the hard way ) when I wasn't too mindful and men have said bothersome things to her ( like: "what are you doing with that guy?" ) while I was a few feet away at a buffet line in a hotel lobby. Men have had women follow my wife into a restroom to hand her a note on their behalf. She, being ever the confident and faithful wife, notifies me of another man's trespass to keep all things and events above board... and wisely waits until we are away from any situation so I wouldn't be tempted to twist a neck or make a scene ( not her neck of course, but the man who dishonors God, dishonors our union and who most likely thinks too highly of himself or perhaps not much at all to jeopardize himself by putting himself in the sights of this jealous king ). She knows me too well and also knows my weakness in that I may dishonor our heavenly Father if the temptation is too great in desiring to correct a wayward man who dishonors my queen. Now there is no such thing as "I'll wait in the car honey" ( me saying to her ). I know what this temptation is for men, for when I was single and desiring what I now have, I would see couples happily going about and would want what they had... so I can relate to their weakness, but not enough to allow them an opportunity with my wife. My wife loves me and respects me for this protection. She periodically mentions how protected and safe she feels when I am right by her side and ever mindful of not leaving her alone for an instance. She is secure with the reality that she is all mine and I am all hers. Some may find this odd or perhaps as a crutch or what some people call "codependency," but they must not 'see' what I see nor understand the love which is prescribed by a righteous God. Some people call a fanatic what another would call a fantasy.
I'm living a fantasy and I recognize it takes work to build a union right.
The moment I heard the timber of my wife's voice, it was as if I've known her all of my life. I had walked into a coffee shop I frequented and noticed her. I grabbed a seat nearby and within earshot. I was debating whether I would speak to her and introduce myself... until I heard her on the phone as she spoke to a friend of hers. I heard her laugh and heard the manner in which she spoke. I turned around and really noticed her. I thought to myself what a genuine woman this was... and then I began to really wonder if I would even stand a chance. In no time she was gathering her things to leave and I made the attempt of a lifetime in saying hello. I told her exactly what was on my heart: I had noticed her and after hearing her voice and the way she spoke on the phone I had to say hello and introduce myself. I told her that I would love to have a coffee with her or simply make some time to speak with her and get to know her if possible. I think she too recognized my voice. She sat back down and we chatted for a bit.
That was the beginning of what has become the most amazing chapter of my life yet!
When we planned on meeting for the first time after that initial encounter, I told her exactly where I was coming from: that I believed in the Lord Almighty and I followed the Word as best as His grace allowed me to. I told her I wasn't a perfect man but desired to be one. I pretty much laid everything out in plain view so she could judge for herself if she'd be interested in someone like me. My tone and manner in which I approached her and expressed myself didn't fall on deaf ears. And what I heard in response was what I came to realize as a match created in heaven.
I had been reluctant in considering marriage for I thought I could only find someone decent in the church, but I was about to learn a lesson from God Himself that His body of believers are not confined to any single religion or group ( this is what men are taught and are misled to believe ). I had already embarked on a journey where God was showing me how He works through many other people outside of organized religion and that He has sons and daughters in all walks of life and in places and positions I had no idea or clue about. Many of my faith-filling experiences have happened with believers outside the safety net and conditioning of a religious group... and this meeting of my wife was another instance which demanded I forgo the conditional and myopic view of religion and see the entire world as not only God's pasture but also His fields of harvest.
Many scales fell from my eyes after meeting my wife.
To my surprise, my honesty in sharing with my wife how I desired to live a righteous life according to God's Way in the new testament was met with refreshing acceptance from her. Her faith in God and also in following me was yet another test of the little faith I had picked up in organized religion... and I saw God stretching my faith and field of view yet again. The safety net of others in the church, with their dogmas and protocols, was not there to guide or forbid my actions or thoughts. I was truly on the path of faith with God as the example, the Word as the guide and my soon to be wife as the person to whom I would be responsible for... and it was the most liberating yet scary thing I had been challenged with thus far in my life. It took a while for me to shed some thorns and mannerisms which didn't coincide with what God had planned for me. These shortcomings reflected my cynical heart and the cold reality that many in the world do not have love and have instead lost hope in finding love. Many go from person to person carrying pain and afflicting punishment on new people. I had also been one of these and I needed to shed that legacy off of my pitiful tenure, for it would surely conflict and destroy what God was planning for me and with the reality which I now live. My faith was being challenged and my darkness was being weened and sifted by His light. My dear wife was the example of faith, forgiveness, patience and hope. She loved and accepted me even with my shortcomings then. This helped me believe I could become the man God made me to be.
In time, the passages in scripture where it speaks about Christ and the church being analogous to a man and his wife really started to hit home and impacted my heart as never before, for now I was living it and not simply reading and theorizing about it with other single men. The responsibility of having a wife has brought a new dimension to the phrase "washing her with the Word." The 'protection' of my wife goes beyond the obvious of guarding her from the impulses of other men. The 'protection' is signaled to others in the manner in which I hold her hand, lead her through a crowded place ( either walking ahead of me or behind me ), in the manner in which I notify all others that she is the most special person in the world to me and no one dare cross this bond of oneness. My immediate responsibility is speaking to her with and in love, talking through things with her patiently, humbly expressing my misstep in either what I said or what I did... and many other expressions of love. My responsibility as her husband is to make sure I listen to her and not stifle her expressing her points, her pains and her perceptions.
Wisdom has a female gender in scripture and this isn't by mistake.
I remember hearing a minister I respected saying to a group of men years ago when I was first learning how to be a Christian: "husbands, if your wife isn't glowing you're doing something wrong." This has stuck with me as if that's the only advise I've ever heard. I heard another minister lamenting and sharing with a group of men one day: "please brothers, choose your wife wisely... choose not according to looks, her shape or the things men typically look at and go after... choose according to her character, her heart, her convictions..." He was lamenting over the struggle his wife had with drinking and how it was devastating their marriage and children's lives. That message also rang through my ears and sank into my heart.
I can proudly say that God has blessed me with someone who has a conscience for God, puts others first and considers her words and actions prior to saying or doing anything. She is a woman after God's heart and I am the most fortunate man alive today having found her!
My wife is my best friend. She is the one I can be vulnerable in front of and not be embarrassed or ashamed when my tears begin to stream. I don't think she is judging me or considering me being a weak man for being honest or exposing a tender heart to her. It is this vulnerability which has allowed us to share our most difficult secrets and personal disasters... and doing so has brought us closer together and has fused the relationship which continues to flourish. I share these things not to boast, but to share that the experience of love which God has in store for those who faithfully follow His Way is readily available... you must want it. The heart I put out to my wife is responded to and she in turn puts her heart out to me... and it is amazing to see what God has done!
So to say I guard her with a jealousy only second to God's jealousy for His children is an understatement. To say I look after her like she is a rare and precious jewel doesn't even come close to how much I prize and honor the woman God has created her to be. To say I will die for her and put myself into harms way so she wouldn't be afflicted is an understatement and exactly what Yeshua's message of love for others has taught me all these years prior to meeting her. This message of love has now manifested into a reality that my heart and psyche express in the manner I love and protect my wife.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
- Ephesians 5:25-33
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
When I think about my wife, I think about a person whom I'd die for. I think about someone who I guard jealously and look after with a watchful eye. I walk her to the lady's restroom when we're out in public. She waits for me while I open a car door or any door for her. She expects to be escorted like the queen she is. Now, you may think to yourself I'm obsessed and I am most likely a control freak, but let me be clearer. I protect my wife. She is the person God has gifted and blessed me to 'have and to hold.' She is my heart. I've learned some lessons by experience ( the hard way ) when I wasn't too mindful and men have said bothersome things to her ( like: "what are you doing with that guy?" ) while I was a few feet away at a buffet line in a hotel lobby. Men have had women follow my wife into a restroom to hand her a note on their behalf. She, being ever the confident and faithful wife, notifies me of another man's trespass to keep all things and events above board... and wisely waits until we are away from any situation so I wouldn't be tempted to twist a neck or make a scene ( not her neck of course, but the man who dishonors God, dishonors our union and who most likely thinks too highly of himself or perhaps not much at all to jeopardize himself by putting himself in the sights of this jealous king ). She knows me too well and also knows my weakness in that I may dishonor our heavenly Father if the temptation is too great in desiring to correct a wayward man who dishonors my queen. Now there is no such thing as "I'll wait in the car honey" ( me saying to her ). I know what this temptation is for men, for when I was single and desiring what I now have, I would see couples happily going about and would want what they had... so I can relate to their weakness, but not enough to allow them an opportunity with my wife. My wife loves me and respects me for this protection. She periodically mentions how protected and safe she feels when I am right by her side and ever mindful of not leaving her alone for an instance. She is secure with the reality that she is all mine and I am all hers. Some may find this odd or perhaps as a crutch or what some people call "codependency," but they must not 'see' what I see nor understand the love which is prescribed by a righteous God. Some people call a fanatic what another would call a fantasy.
I'm living a fantasy and I recognize it takes work to build a union right.
The moment I heard the timber of my wife's voice, it was as if I've known her all of my life. I had walked into a coffee shop I frequented and noticed her. I grabbed a seat nearby and within earshot. I was debating whether I would speak to her and introduce myself... until I heard her on the phone as she spoke to a friend of hers. I heard her laugh and heard the manner in which she spoke. I turned around and really noticed her. I thought to myself what a genuine woman this was... and then I began to really wonder if I would even stand a chance. In no time she was gathering her things to leave and I made the attempt of a lifetime in saying hello. I told her exactly what was on my heart: I had noticed her and after hearing her voice and the way she spoke on the phone I had to say hello and introduce myself. I told her that I would love to have a coffee with her or simply make some time to speak with her and get to know her if possible. I think she too recognized my voice. She sat back down and we chatted for a bit.
That was the beginning of what has become the most amazing chapter of my life yet!
When we planned on meeting for the first time after that initial encounter, I told her exactly where I was coming from: that I believed in the Lord Almighty and I followed the Word as best as His grace allowed me to. I told her I wasn't a perfect man but desired to be one. I pretty much laid everything out in plain view so she could judge for herself if she'd be interested in someone like me. My tone and manner in which I approached her and expressed myself didn't fall on deaf ears. And what I heard in response was what I came to realize as a match created in heaven.
I had been reluctant in considering marriage for I thought I could only find someone decent in the church, but I was about to learn a lesson from God Himself that His body of believers are not confined to any single religion or group ( this is what men are taught and are misled to believe ). I had already embarked on a journey where God was showing me how He works through many other people outside of organized religion and that He has sons and daughters in all walks of life and in places and positions I had no idea or clue about. Many of my faith-filling experiences have happened with believers outside the safety net and conditioning of a religious group... and this meeting of my wife was another instance which demanded I forgo the conditional and myopic view of religion and see the entire world as not only God's pasture but also His fields of harvest.
Many scales fell from my eyes after meeting my wife.
To my surprise, my honesty in sharing with my wife how I desired to live a righteous life according to God's Way in the new testament was met with refreshing acceptance from her. Her faith in God and also in following me was yet another test of the little faith I had picked up in organized religion... and I saw God stretching my faith and field of view yet again. The safety net of others in the church, with their dogmas and protocols, was not there to guide or forbid my actions or thoughts. I was truly on the path of faith with God as the example, the Word as the guide and my soon to be wife as the person to whom I would be responsible for... and it was the most liberating yet scary thing I had been challenged with thus far in my life. It took a while for me to shed some thorns and mannerisms which didn't coincide with what God had planned for me. These shortcomings reflected my cynical heart and the cold reality that many in the world do not have love and have instead lost hope in finding love. Many go from person to person carrying pain and afflicting punishment on new people. I had also been one of these and I needed to shed that legacy off of my pitiful tenure, for it would surely conflict and destroy what God was planning for me and with the reality which I now live. My faith was being challenged and my darkness was being weened and sifted by His light. My dear wife was the example of faith, forgiveness, patience and hope. She loved and accepted me even with my shortcomings then. This helped me believe I could become the man God made me to be.
In time, the passages in scripture where it speaks about Christ and the church being analogous to a man and his wife really started to hit home and impacted my heart as never before, for now I was living it and not simply reading and theorizing about it with other single men. The responsibility of having a wife has brought a new dimension to the phrase "washing her with the Word." The 'protection' of my wife goes beyond the obvious of guarding her from the impulses of other men. The 'protection' is signaled to others in the manner in which I hold her hand, lead her through a crowded place ( either walking ahead of me or behind me ), in the manner in which I notify all others that she is the most special person in the world to me and no one dare cross this bond of oneness. My immediate responsibility is speaking to her with and in love, talking through things with her patiently, humbly expressing my misstep in either what I said or what I did... and many other expressions of love. My responsibility as her husband is to make sure I listen to her and not stifle her expressing her points, her pains and her perceptions.
Wisdom has a female gender in scripture and this isn't by mistake.
I remember hearing a minister I respected saying to a group of men years ago when I was first learning how to be a Christian: "husbands, if your wife isn't glowing you're doing something wrong." This has stuck with me as if that's the only advise I've ever heard. I heard another minister lamenting and sharing with a group of men one day: "please brothers, choose your wife wisely... choose not according to looks, her shape or the things men typically look at and go after... choose according to her character, her heart, her convictions..." He was lamenting over the struggle his wife had with drinking and how it was devastating their marriage and children's lives. That message also rang through my ears and sank into my heart.
I can proudly say that God has blessed me with someone who has a conscience for God, puts others first and considers her words and actions prior to saying or doing anything. She is a woman after God's heart and I am the most fortunate man alive today having found her!
My wife is my best friend. She is the one I can be vulnerable in front of and not be embarrassed or ashamed when my tears begin to stream. I don't think she is judging me or considering me being a weak man for being honest or exposing a tender heart to her. It is this vulnerability which has allowed us to share our most difficult secrets and personal disasters... and doing so has brought us closer together and has fused the relationship which continues to flourish. I share these things not to boast, but to share that the experience of love which God has in store for those who faithfully follow His Way is readily available... you must want it. The heart I put out to my wife is responded to and she in turn puts her heart out to me... and it is amazing to see what God has done!
So to say I guard her with a jealousy only second to God's jealousy for His children is an understatement. To say I look after her like she is a rare and precious jewel doesn't even come close to how much I prize and honor the woman God has created her to be. To say I will die for her and put myself into harms way so she wouldn't be afflicted is an understatement and exactly what Yeshua's message of love for others has taught me all these years prior to meeting her. This message of love has now manifested into a reality that my heart and psyche express in the manner I love and protect my wife.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
- Ephesians 5:25-33
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