|Everything, whether seen as insignificant, happens for a reason...even what is pictured in this image.|
When I first saw my wife, I knew in my heart that this was a woman unlike the others I had known.
When I heard her speak, when I first heard the timbre of her voice, it was as if I've known her all my life.
With hope came also doubts, and both notions raised in my heart.
I doubted God was going to bless me with a daughter of His because of how I had treated other women in the past.
Both of my initial notions were shown to be correct, for our perceptions interpret what is happening.
I had to push past my doubt, relinquish my fears, and release my baggage.
My wife (to be) at the time was patient with me, and although that first year she broke off our relationship because of my infidelity and playing games (I had imitated the world for quite some time before meeting her, and confessed to her my shortcomings), it was all a process now looking back.
She said it was over and that she would not be contacting me, and asked that I not contact her.
I didn't, and she kept her word...for a year.
After me nearly losing everything (because I've made many mistakes), and after losing the acquaintance of this woman, I was very suicidal in my ways.
I finally broke down and prayed to the Lord to restore me (I had not been reaching out to God, but simply festering in my sorrows and making excuses).
I asked God to grant me her hand if He was truly maneuvering her into my life as my wife.
That time in the desert brought some clarity, and I had realized that I ruined what God was intending to be a good thing for me.
In prayer I vowed to make her my wife if it was His will for her to be my wife.
I asked that He please make it obvious.
I could have simply called her or contacted her, but I asked Him to have us come together in a way that was from Him or Him stirring her heart; not my doing.
About two weeks after praying for God to once again straighten out the life I had once again derailed, I received a message from her.
I knew deep down inside my heart, as when I heard her voice that first time, that God had answered my prayer.
His answer was “yes, she is for you... I love you and you are worthy to receive this good gift”.
I didn't feel worthy, but God doesn't work according to our feelings, but according to His will.
It took me many years to see a glimpse of God's grace in the manner He has guided me my entire life, even after making an effort to be obedient to Him for a time in my early 20's and then losing my way a few years later.
With gifting me my wife, grace became clearer to me as never before.
The religious tenor is mostly about punishment and overt consequences, instead of God's enduring love and promise of restoration through even the worst of situations.
His righteousness is greater and beyond the deluge of religious ingratitude, clothed in judgment.
I had realized that God's love had once again overcome my sin, and when yet another harvest repenting of old and new shortcomings came to pass, the union He established with my wife was in due time, not too early and not too late...but in perfect timing as He had already decreed from Above.
May His Name be forever praised in all circumstances, in all places, and from all His creation.