02 July 2016

616 Very Difficult Words

Romans 6: 14
When emotions cloud judgment...

Almost every complaint has a reason, a justifiable point.

But the manner in which observations and judgments are pronounced mean all the difference in how they are received.

I walk a tightrope when I shouldn't, for I too have my humanity to deal with.

That tightrope walk is sometimes reacting like a religious zealot, remembering to be a loving disciple of Christ, a preacher forwarding grace and a protector of my personal church... and this is not easy, yet this is a short-list of my current character traits and my heart's place put in words (according to my personal assessment).

I recently had a strong response, again, towards my wife when reflecting my personal struggles with lust and insecurity.

Insecurity in terms of my internal thoughts after seeing how other men notice my wife's beauty, causing jealousy to rise in my heart and challenging my love for such strangers to wane drastically.

Lust in terms of projecting my internal struggle with seeing overexposed flesh of women almost on a daily basis.

I can understand why cultures on the other side of the world cover up women like draping windows.

Yet this response doesn't cease humanity's inner struggles from occurring.

It only points the finger in the wrong direction, as I did this morning.

My lust and my insecurity overwhelms me when the climate rises, and my initial temptation is to blame others, instead of reflecting on what is stirring within regarding the natures; from Above and below.

So in blaming the world around me: the dress-code where I currently reside has outwear getting closer to lingerie.

Shorts have gotten shorter and going braless is 'in'.

Nothing is “being left to the imagination” as that saying goes.

The level of discipline in what my eyes see wavers from being 'in control' and above reproach, to responding to visual stimulations according 'animalistic instincts'... and I hate this vulnerability, for I know too well where such indulgences lead.

In taking responsibility for my self's struggle: my pride is hurt...my pride in my self-righteousness.

Continuing to blame the world: although I was born into a conservative and God-fearing family, the society outside the home is increasingly very carefree; free from constraint and accepting all shades of human nature.

Perhaps as accepting as Greece was when all things human, short of murder, was palatable... yet state-sanctioned murder (capital punishment) is still state-prescribed, so this analogy fails to fit the point.

As has been happening since the very beginning, popular consensus continues to prescribe societal 'norms'.

In reaching for man's definition of freedom, removing all religious and moral restraints as 'archaic fear-based notions', a brave new world continues to be humanly authored.

Brave according to some reserving their heart-felt opinions of the lifestyles of others.

Brave for others to express their struggles as strengths, yet the moral alignment is arguably undefinable.

Brave in that depravity has had an obvious definition for eons, but is now quite ambiguous... this 'bravery' being boastful, proud and defined according to individual interpretation.

The lesson: when I express these things to my wife, she is utterly oblivious.

God has seemingly shielded her heart from such concerns.

I admire her naiveté.

What I point out as carnal shortcomings in ourselves and society, she sees as me thinking too much.

I do think too much.

I also struggle with many afflictions, yet there is no cut-off switch to my thoughts and conscious.

Truly the knowledge of good and evil was a troublesome temptation.

It seems I may be apologizing for my shortcomings all my life.

Yet God's grace has been proven to be greater than my religious wrangling.

May His Name be forever praised, Amen.

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