06 April 2016

If Not This, Then That, But Not These?

Let's read about a fallacy when thinking of marriage.

False dilemma.

The argument that only one of two options is reasonable, or available, or possible... when in fact there are many options or ways towards entering a successful marriage.

One such false dilemma is with marriage.

One cultural extreme regarding marriage is dating who one chooses in finding a spouse, sometimes including sexual intimacy (consummation) as part of the process to marriage, while another cultural extreme is an arranged marriage with no amount of sexual intimacy.

Yet there are several examples in between these two extremes / examples.

One example is friendly dates within a larger group of people.

I've heard examples of someone mentioning a prospective mate for a friend, inviting the prospect over for an informal dinner.

If something is sparked at the initial meeting, more informal dates with other people can be planned.

The person brokering the meeting most likely knows both individuals somewhat well, one sometimes being a relative or very close friend.

The romantic broker can soften the usual challenges that accompany the initiation of a courtship.

This is an example that leans a bit towards the arranged marriage extreme.

Using the word extreme not in terms of negative or attaching any negative notion, simply identifying a difference from what is usually defined as a more 'modern' method of two people becoming one.

An arranged marriage, similar to the friendly suggestion exemplified above, carries with it more social responsibility and the leverage of others being involved.

Some may see this as undesired pressure, from peers or from parents, while some others may perceive this as support and assistance (again, the false dilemma).

There are plenty examples of very successful, loving and growing relationships stemming from both extremes and in between.

However, the greater incidence of divorce is found among the dating of strangers (the 'modern' example of courtship which doesn't always lead to marriage).

This isn't a solid fact, for this opinion leans too much on culture and social variables.

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