Retracting Your Words; Impossible
Have you ever said something you wish you hadn't? I have... too many times. The person who came up with that little children's song some of us grew up hearing and repeating: "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" was obviously lying. It may temporarily suspend a child's reaction to hurtful playground words from peers, but nothing could be further from the truth. The minds of the masses have been formulated by words. Each one of us, having been raised hearing certain words ( and the manner in which they're delivered ) have either been built up, half-built, not built at all or torn down by words.
The time I unleashed venom on my relatives exposing some past sins of mine and others was not a wise moment in sharing some deep running thoughts of mine. I broke the unwritten rule of keeping private what some men do at bachelor parties ( or what "happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" ). I didn't care anymore. For nearly twenty years I was embarrassed and ashamed for what I participated in and covered up for others and I didn't care about the outcome of spilling the beans the moment I decided to blow a fuse. I felt I dishonored my family and trampled over the dignity of those I dearly loved in what I participated in... and keeping silent for the subsequent years was really eating at me every time it would come up in my heart.
I blew the whistle on them out of anger and resentment. I made a choice from a base of emotion and not from a wise perspective in sharing certain things. I didn't think before I spoke, I just went on a roll. I am still living down the fallout from the bomb I dropped that day. Although the idea of forgiveness has come towards my direction from those who listened in shock and disgust to what I had to say that day, their memories have not subsided and their hearts still seem to be hurt ( or not completely 'over' what I said ). To some of them, I am still that reckless twit who shot arrows into those I and others most admired. That moment of failure simply added to my prior failures and reinforced their view of me. I removed the sheen off the shiny exterior, both theirs and mine, yet only I seemed to be the one with lackluster.
Looking back, the 'wise' thing would have been to remain silent. The wise thing would have been to have kept my rage to myself and left the room. Yet, when emotions erupt and feelings are hurt, it is quite difficult to simply say nothing, let alone say something neutral or something loving when your and your family's dignity is trampled upon. What happened did indeed happen and although I am sorry for it all, I can do nothing else about it but learn from it and tell others to carefully choose your words, especially when tempted by evil and the desire is to say or share unloving things without thought and prior consideration.
I have already apologized and shared my resentment and sorrow for saying what I did and the condition of my heart behind those words that day. I cannot control what others choose to do after that, whether it is to forgive me and push the memories out of their minds or not forgive me and shun me for the rest of my life. That is their choice and although I was the guilty party in hurting others that day with my words, I am no longer guilty, regardless if they forgive me or not. I know God forgave me for my outburst AND had forgiven me for my participation in lowlife activity years before.
The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.
- Proverbs 17:27-28
The time I unleashed venom on my relatives exposing some past sins of mine and others was not a wise moment in sharing some deep running thoughts of mine. I broke the unwritten rule of keeping private what some men do at bachelor parties ( or what "happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" ). I didn't care anymore. For nearly twenty years I was embarrassed and ashamed for what I participated in and covered up for others and I didn't care about the outcome of spilling the beans the moment I decided to blow a fuse. I felt I dishonored my family and trampled over the dignity of those I dearly loved in what I participated in... and keeping silent for the subsequent years was really eating at me every time it would come up in my heart.
I blew the whistle on them out of anger and resentment. I made a choice from a base of emotion and not from a wise perspective in sharing certain things. I didn't think before I spoke, I just went on a roll. I am still living down the fallout from the bomb I dropped that day. Although the idea of forgiveness has come towards my direction from those who listened in shock and disgust to what I had to say that day, their memories have not subsided and their hearts still seem to be hurt ( or not completely 'over' what I said ). To some of them, I am still that reckless twit who shot arrows into those I and others most admired. That moment of failure simply added to my prior failures and reinforced their view of me. I removed the sheen off the shiny exterior, both theirs and mine, yet only I seemed to be the one with lackluster.
Looking back, the 'wise' thing would have been to remain silent. The wise thing would have been to have kept my rage to myself and left the room. Yet, when emotions erupt and feelings are hurt, it is quite difficult to simply say nothing, let alone say something neutral or something loving when your and your family's dignity is trampled upon. What happened did indeed happen and although I am sorry for it all, I can do nothing else about it but learn from it and tell others to carefully choose your words, especially when tempted by evil and the desire is to say or share unloving things without thought and prior consideration.
I have already apologized and shared my resentment and sorrow for saying what I did and the condition of my heart behind those words that day. I cannot control what others choose to do after that, whether it is to forgive me and push the memories out of their minds or not forgive me and shun me for the rest of my life. That is their choice and although I was the guilty party in hurting others that day with my words, I am no longer guilty, regardless if they forgive me or not. I know God forgave me for my outburst AND had forgiven me for my participation in lowlife activity years before.
The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.
- Proverbs 17:27-28
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