All For A Reason

I couldn’t sleep last night.  I kept yawning, but sleep wasn’t happening.  I did my best controlling my thoughts, like those sleep sequences of sheep counting in cartoons of old.  It must have been the cane sugar in the soda I had a few hours earlier along with the chocolate in the oven-baked chocolate chip cookies my wife and I had as we watched a movie in bed.  My heart is racing as if I ran around the block. 

My thoughts began a journey into the past.  I remember being homeless.  A friend was letting me stay in his empty investment property.  My mindset was dark.  I had turned everyone against me, even this friend with the house.  Against the suggestions of those around him he trusted and loved me enough to let me stay there.  His reasoning being the place was getting broken into.  I think his consciousness to help me was also at play.  His actions helped me see hope in a time of hopelessness.

I had lost my small business.  I had some money stashed away, but psychologically I knew if I began to make withdrawals, that process would only delay the inevitable. 

I was reckless; driving around without insurance and without tags.  I was rubbing elbows with folks who were challenging government authority ( and were under FBI surveillance ).  I had come to a point of not caring.  I wasn’t considering suicide, but my actions were such that facing death seemed like a solution to my problems.

Looking back at how things worked out, I can clearly see God’s hand leading me out of those trials.  I saw how despite my rebelliousness, God still fed me and provided me a place to sleep.  Reflecting last night, I saw how He was actually resetting my priorities.