Mental Health Measured Too Low On The Healthy Scale

Animals cannot typically speak, yet some humans are able to interpret animal behavior.
It seems easy to notice fear and contentment, perhaps also activity revealing hunger or sleepiness.
Some pet owners are well versed in putting words into the mouths of their animals.
At times the words or chatter is done purely in a joking manner (as I do).
Other times it is an effort attempting to 'read' or ponder what the animal is feeling.
Yet a word is never spoken from the animal, but a conversation and interpretation occurring in the human's mind.
Sometimes a human is able to accurately convey their thoughts and feelings to another human being.
Often times, this is not so easy. The language is off (not centered in love), or the interpretations are faulty.
Not every broken person realizes they are, and their communication is plagued by their brokenness.
Some broken people are able to clearly express their brokenness, because they acknowledge they are broken.

Yesterday while enjoying a cigar at the local lounge I frequent, I heard the mental struggles of someone smoking what seemed like crack from a glass pipe.

I stepped outside, thinking I may hold a conversation or perhaps simply express some kindness to them.

I had previously walked past this person just before entering the cigar lounge.

She was a very young woman who, if not speaking madness, would have seemed to be in her right mind according to the look on her face and her casual attire.

In the downtown area of the city I currently reside in, there are all kinds of people dressed in a variety of ways.

It is an unsure prospect when attempting to communicate with someone under the influence of a drug.

If they have trouble brewing inside, the drug usually enhances (or unleashes) that trouble.

People usually (ab)use drugs (and/or alcohol) because something is not right inside.

However, when someone is found irrational and irate, drugs are not always the culprit.

Mental disease comes in a variety of forms and can stem from a variety of causes.

The practice of perfectly identifying each and every dynamic not perfectly centered, some diseases or causes of such is still very much unknown or unfounded.

I also think, in contrast, that not everything that seems 'strange' to one person is actually 'strange' or 'a mental issue', but rather a leaning to one brand of conformity, while assuming that any given society is by default 'healthy' and those not reflecting such are abnormal.

I'm sure someone who has trouble conforming to a society that is murderous, to everyone else murdering, this person is 'troubled' because they are not also participating or simply 'going along'.

Yes, 'murdering' is a very extreme example to use in an analogy, but feel free to enter any such activity or state of mind or mainstream way / lifestyle / thing that seems far off center to you.

Center being perfection: love.

In the case of this young woman, what was not helping was the drug (ab)use... yet I do not know her story.

As I stood outside a few minutes enjoying my cigar, I saw her light up her pipe.

We seemed to have 'shared a smoke', but I never got around to saying hello.

I was too worried about her state of mind and what she may interpret in me saying hello or simply showing kindness.

Most everyone else was ignoring her as they walked by.

There is something about ignoring or failing to acknowledge someone's existence that can be troubling for both the ignored and the one doing the ignoring.

Have you noticed how this ignoring has become a social norm... but where is the love?

When I walked by earlier, I was wanting to convey a 'hello' along with a smile to acknowledge I see her sitting there (although talking crazy).

When I noticed her eyes were darting everywhere, I didn't want to stare too long in seeking facial recognition.

I was unsure if my effort to acknowledge her presence in a kind way may be taken the wrong way.

Again, it is an unsure thing how someone may react.

I am not so much afraid of a physical attack (whether from a young girl high on something, or a man in perhaps a similar or worse condition), but more so aimed at peace and forwarding peace.

Peace not in simply ignoring someone and thus the peace was kept.

Rather, through acknowledging of another human being despite their current condition or situation, peace is forwarded.

Thus: “Peace be with you” is, to me, the best version of “hello fellow human being” or “hello, dear brother / sister”.

I tried listening to her thoughts as she spoke them (or yelled them out wildly).

I desired to intend I was friendly and not fully disturbed by her activity, although it was quite disturbing.

Sadly, this activity is witnessed all too often downtown and elsewhere in the city where police are more focused on violent crimes actually happening than enforcing vagrancy and public intoxication laws.

I noticed most of her rants were triggered by what she saw, and what reminded her of things.

She was talking a mile a minute and would jump from one topic to another and yet another.

Incoherent.

I noticed that when a group of women approached the street corner some 50 yards away, and she saw them, out came a diatribe about women judging her.

But such was not the case.

They didn't notice her nor see her, them being so far away and talking amongst themselves.

What she perceived was only happening in her mind.

Delusion.

But haven't we all assumed to notice things that were not really happening?

Haven't we at least once asked ourselves “what did they really mean when saying this to me”, when in actuality it was just our insecurity?

Later in the day, I met someone when inquiring about a place to live.

He was a landlord, this being his second real estate property.

He was a nurse by profession, and was very involved in athletics (playing baseball).

Within the first few minutes I could tell something was very much amiss, yet he was as sober as I was.

As we discussed the possibility of tenancy, the conversation seemed too personal and too intriguing... he going a bit too far (even for my stance as often being Mr. T.M.I. - Too Much Information).

Instead of a manner what would be inviting, it was more repulsive and alarming.

Yet I tried keeping an open mind and open heart regarding his disposition.

I learned many things from our conversation, as I do almost everyone I meet or take notice of.

Although I was there to inquire about tenancy, the conversation was anything but.

Sure someone has to ask near-personal questions in an interview, like occupation, self-rated level of cleanliness, noise factor, etc..

But as the conversation further delved into what was foremost on this man's heart and mind, I realized again something already affirmed to me.

How childhood trauma can set a person on a destructive course for the rest of their lives.

When that course is argued as 'okay' or natural, then the mental dissonance only increases.

This is not the case, as I understand it, similar to what I mentioned earlier regarding an individual not conforming to mainstream expectations.

Me being someone not afraid to talk about personal things, whether my own or another person's, as we traversed the murky waters of the past, resistance to seeing things as they are became apparent.

I learned how we sometimes are unable to 'see' the damage done to us.

This nearsightedness keeps us from eventually healing and overcoming.

Instead, it is very easy (and I would say a default pattern in the human) to push into the dark recesses of the heart such troubling things.

Whether they are sin committed against us, or the sins we have committed in turn or in response to that committed onto us.

He did touch upon the fact that he was introduced to certain things very early on as a child (age 7 and then age 13), and thus the cast was set.

Instead of addressing such activities as depraved or the cause for concern, they instead reinforced what had been twisted.

The closer we came to identifying the core issues, the greater the resistance to identify the light from the darkness.

The conversation came to near-screeches... and then the accusations came.

I was accused of so many things, I was shocked at how a sensible conversation quickly turned into something that mad me question my safety.

I had walked (did not use a personal vehicle) to the location and it was thunder storming outside (a rarity for Southern California).

I didn't have an umbrella and wondered if the situation would go from bad to worse.

In short, the man was utterly confused in my intention to simply rent from them.

He had entertained some other motivation besides gaining a tenant.

And when he realized I was not there for anything besides, several guesses likely concluded through an emotional milieu were considered facts on his part.

The more I explained my position, the greater the hostility became.

The alarm bells were already sounding, and now I was taking heed and ceased ignoring them.

I kept my peace and wits about, yet it seemed this man was unable to handle whatever emotions and dissonance were bubbling within his heart and mind from our conversation... a conversation, by the way, wholly initiated by him.

When I realized after a few moments of silence the rain had come to a near stop, I repeated that I should be going.

It wasn't until afterwards when I arrived back home, and read my text messages, that the vile intentions and suspicions of me hating him came out.

I was quite amazed at how someone who, on the outside seemed to have their life together, when desiring to speak what was on their heart and mind, can be quickly overwhelmed to the point of sheer madness.

I read in his words the pain still there caused to them by others, and a continued pain of interpreting love as lust, the unnatural as normal, and an earnest offer of friendship from me as some intention disguised a nefarious effort to cause harm

Yet all such accusations were exactly what he was projecting onto me... but who convince him otherwise?

Such was the day's experience.