Seeing His Favor
Yesterday I rested the entire morning until noon after parking the car back onto the street we live on ( I had to park several blocks away due to limited space and street sweeping beginning at 4am ) so my wife wouldn’t have to walk those many blocks with me. We had taken an extensive bike ride the day prior and the four hour flight back from Chicago was tough. It was a long and fulfilling day. As I rested, I began to recall how my week went in Chicago with my dear wife and I began remembering both the good and the not so good experiences. The good was every moment being with my wife. It doesn’t matter if we’re doing laundry, stuck on an elevator or flying to a new city, I am very happy and content simply being with her. The good was also seeing new sights, taking pictures of ourselves and these sights, discovering new people and places and generally enjoying our time together in a different place. I also began to remember how I had become quite angry during our stay; when the shuttle bus wasn’t arriving and I had been standing for over an hour waiting for the shuttle while my wife waited for me at the other end with her cell phone out of battery; when I forgot my camera on the shuttle bus when it finally arrived and wondered if the driver – whom I gave an earful to – would turn the camera in or if whomever sat next in that same seat would turn it in; at a waitress who said they didn’t offer free refills on my mostly ice $4.75 strawberry lemonade with a slight attitude making me feel cheap and clueless for asking; the manner in which my heart struggled and judged these people who, either directly or indirectly, affected my attitude and emotions. I found myself judging them with the typical dark thoughts that flood the mind when anger temporarily takes hold. These reflections caused me to feel embarrassed and a bunch of other things, so I had to pray. After praying and getting ready to leave on my day, I walked in search of a new place to have lunch.
Sometimes it is easy for me to have a smile on my face as I walk around town looking for another smiling face to say hello to or respond to a friendly hello from a smiling face, but today’s start wasn’t as easy. I had to keep praying as I walked in order to shake the weight off of my heart and remember that today is a new day and a new start. I almost began to forget all the things I am grateful for as I wrestled with my thoughts. Sometimes bad memories can weigh me down and my character challenges get to me. Momentary guilt is a useful tool to make a change for the better, but languishing guilt is a real killer and party pooper.
I walk for several blocks before finding a place I hadn’t seen before, and peering in through the windows I didn’t notice anyone inside other than an elderly couple… but something caught my attention and I went in to take a look. The place was clean and nicely decorated and only seeing one occupied table didn’t scare me away. I ordered a drink and a plate of food and began to email my wife to ask how her day was coming along and I begin to share with her some of my thoughts. Lately I’ve been reading some ‘lost’ books or apocryphal writings in hopes of finding out why or why not these were included in what is today called the bible, so I’m reading this in between emails. I mention to my wife some other thoughts about some of the things that are bothering me and we begin to discuss. At first, I’m sticking to my gripes and complaints as she shares her thoughts and points. She really knows how to ‘read’ me, so I don’t take her opinions and suggestions lightly. I know she loves me and has my heart in her best interest. I’m all smiles now.
In between emails and reading some interesting things, I can’t help but overhear the only other patrons in the restaurant, the elderly couple, talking about a friend of theirs who needs to find a second job and how this friend cannot be on their feet for too long. I think about how pricey it can be living in the city… or the state… or living anywhere today, period. I struggle a bit when considering how people have to pay in order to exist on the planet; the whole idea of ownership of land / nature and making people pay through their labor in order to exist. I give thanks for the food when it arrives and it tastes great ( the waiter recommended the Angus burger and I added smoked bacon ). I also make a note on my heart how blessed I am with not having to search for work like the lady the elderly couple are talking about. After sending a petition, I push these thoughts out of my mind so I can enjoy my burger, so I can continue seeing what I’m reading and so I can gather what my wife is saying to me via email. I’ll be coming back again; next time bringing my wife to get her opinion of the place and the food. The food has to be really bad for me not to like it, so when I think something is super fantastic sometimes other people’s tastes may say different.
After lunch, I head towards downtown to take in the sights and sounds of Long Beach and all it has to offer. As I walk along the several blocks of this particular stretch of the city, I notice a consistent theme: bar, liquor store, bar, liquor store, bar, sex shop, liquor store, bar, smoke shop, etc.. I think about kids walking to and from school along this street. I think about how block after block of these storefronts attracts a certain type of crowd. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having my kids walking down streets like this at any time of the day and obviously not at night. The families who live here haven’t much of a choice if they cannot drive their kids to school. Maybe I’m getting old, maybe I’m becoming conservative or I just know too much about humanity and neighborhoods like these. I pray for each person I pass by and for each situation I perceive. Not to boast or make it seem like I’m some kind of ‘good person,’ but I’ve made it a habit of praying for almost every person I see when I’m out and about ( I sometimes miss a few or get distracted, but this has become my good habit ). Doing this helps remind me to be grateful for all things big and small. Doing this also helps me realize that each person has an entire world of their own they are dealing with, and what may seem like an ideal life to the person looking at someone else may actually be a difficult life for the one being looked at.
I’m trying to walk off my burger and fries so I journey further towards city hall to where lots of homeless people congregate at the park next to the library. I see some friendly faces and some not so friendly. I must look like a cop with some of the looks I get, but no one says anything as I pass by with a smile on my face. I pray for those who smile and for those who don’t. I don’t shy away from conversations much ( at least I don’t think I do ), and unless the person is not making any sense or seems like they are about to physically lash out, I usually stop and have a chat. Some lady was screaming at some guy and I didn’t want to stare along with everyone else so I continued walking through the park and headed towards the main drag ( Pine Avenue ). Prior to crossing the street, I hear loud shouts from across the street and see a guy waving his hands in the air and cursing at the top of his lungs about something. He seems to be screaming at everyone who walks past him. The people walking by him ignore him. I pray for peace to be in his heart and for his mind to be cleared. I then notice a city employee riding on one of those two-wheeled machines; the folks dressed in red polo shirts and giving directions to people, sort of acting like security watchmen sometimes. This city employee approaches the man and engages him in conversation. The man ceases his yelling and is explaining something using his hands to the guy on the wheels. I cross the street as the yelling man, now not yelling but still talking out loud to no one listening, walks away from the city employee. I walk to the city employee and ask if he was trying to ask the guy to go back to the park ( I saw him gesture towards the park and thus wondered if he was asking him to go to the park ). He said he wasn’t. He said that people are allowed to stay at the park until 10pm when the park closes. He said having the guy standing outside of a business is considered loitering and that was what he was telling the yelling man, who is now gone from sight. I asked what happens to those people who don’t have a home and ten o’clock comes around. He says the police sometimes clear them out. I thanked him for his time and was on my way.
From there I walk a block and notice the cigar shop / lounge which I heard had been renovated is open. It had been closed for some time and I had only peeked into it several years ago. I approach a woman sitting outside and she looks to be the owner. I ask and she says she is. I begin to tell her about the oldest cigar store I visited while in Chicago earlier this week and she invites me in to see her selection of cigars. I begin to ask beginner questions and she is very happy to educate me on the different types and which kind of cigar goes best with which drinks and so on. I had been walking quite a bit by now so I decided to buy a cigar, have a seat and enjoy her newly renovated store. The other gentlemen in the store and those arriving were very friendly and I was surprised to see how practically every new arrival to the store said hello to everyone in the room, some even going person to person. I ended up staying for a few hours while enjoying some very lively debates and friendly conversations with the patrons. I learned quite a bit about them and about myself.
I am always surprised at how, after people open their mouths to speak, I begin to see past my initial impressions of them. I sadly must admit that I too often judge people by their appearance before I give them a chance to share what is on their heart and mind. I also must admit that I sometimes feel like I am the only thinker in the room... wrong, so very wrong and arrogant of me to think this way. Just like my anger steaming beneath my breadth is a difficult dog to handle sometimes, so can my judgmental view on a lot of people and things be difficult to look past. It was great to listen to real life experiences from some of the men in that room, for their experiences and wisdom can only add to mine. I hope I too shared some things they have never heard before.
I conclude the email discussion with my wife in the cigar shop realizing that I let petty things get to me, and that this becomes a distraction from the bigger picture and bigger issues of life. I am grateful that she isn’t afraid to share her thoughts with me and loves me enough to tell me what she honestly sees in me and isn’t afraid to tell me she really thinks while not being afraid of what or how I’ll respond. The truth may sting at times but it is refreshing and helpful to hear it from a place of love and support.
Prior to leaving the cigar lounge, one of the guys says “everyone is seeking community” when other men recall a recent weekend where some of the patrons had put together a barbeque feast just for the fun of it and at a moment’s notice. I share out loud that that was one of the solutions to the many issues we discussed when talking about politics, religion, abuse of authority by the police, war in foreign lands and other topics. They agreed. I realize that even in this cigar shop folks are discussing the things on their hearts and are seeking what is truth rather than what is believed to be truth. I see God’s hand in how He is shaping people’s perceptions ( my own of course ) in how they interact and approach the world around them. I see God’s grace moving even here.
Sometimes it is easy for me to have a smile on my face as I walk around town looking for another smiling face to say hello to or respond to a friendly hello from a smiling face, but today’s start wasn’t as easy. I had to keep praying as I walked in order to shake the weight off of my heart and remember that today is a new day and a new start. I almost began to forget all the things I am grateful for as I wrestled with my thoughts. Sometimes bad memories can weigh me down and my character challenges get to me. Momentary guilt is a useful tool to make a change for the better, but languishing guilt is a real killer and party pooper.
I walk for several blocks before finding a place I hadn’t seen before, and peering in through the windows I didn’t notice anyone inside other than an elderly couple… but something caught my attention and I went in to take a look. The place was clean and nicely decorated and only seeing one occupied table didn’t scare me away. I ordered a drink and a plate of food and began to email my wife to ask how her day was coming along and I begin to share with her some of my thoughts. Lately I’ve been reading some ‘lost’ books or apocryphal writings in hopes of finding out why or why not these were included in what is today called the bible, so I’m reading this in between emails. I mention to my wife some other thoughts about some of the things that are bothering me and we begin to discuss. At first, I’m sticking to my gripes and complaints as she shares her thoughts and points. She really knows how to ‘read’ me, so I don’t take her opinions and suggestions lightly. I know she loves me and has my heart in her best interest. I’m all smiles now.
In between emails and reading some interesting things, I can’t help but overhear the only other patrons in the restaurant, the elderly couple, talking about a friend of theirs who needs to find a second job and how this friend cannot be on their feet for too long. I think about how pricey it can be living in the city… or the state… or living anywhere today, period. I struggle a bit when considering how people have to pay in order to exist on the planet; the whole idea of ownership of land / nature and making people pay through their labor in order to exist. I give thanks for the food when it arrives and it tastes great ( the waiter recommended the Angus burger and I added smoked bacon ). I also make a note on my heart how blessed I am with not having to search for work like the lady the elderly couple are talking about. After sending a petition, I push these thoughts out of my mind so I can enjoy my burger, so I can continue seeing what I’m reading and so I can gather what my wife is saying to me via email. I’ll be coming back again; next time bringing my wife to get her opinion of the place and the food. The food has to be really bad for me not to like it, so when I think something is super fantastic sometimes other people’s tastes may say different.
After lunch, I head towards downtown to take in the sights and sounds of Long Beach and all it has to offer. As I walk along the several blocks of this particular stretch of the city, I notice a consistent theme: bar, liquor store, bar, liquor store, bar, sex shop, liquor store, bar, smoke shop, etc.. I think about kids walking to and from school along this street. I think about how block after block of these storefronts attracts a certain type of crowd. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having my kids walking down streets like this at any time of the day and obviously not at night. The families who live here haven’t much of a choice if they cannot drive their kids to school. Maybe I’m getting old, maybe I’m becoming conservative or I just know too much about humanity and neighborhoods like these. I pray for each person I pass by and for each situation I perceive. Not to boast or make it seem like I’m some kind of ‘good person,’ but I’ve made it a habit of praying for almost every person I see when I’m out and about ( I sometimes miss a few or get distracted, but this has become my good habit ). Doing this helps remind me to be grateful for all things big and small. Doing this also helps me realize that each person has an entire world of their own they are dealing with, and what may seem like an ideal life to the person looking at someone else may actually be a difficult life for the one being looked at.
I’m trying to walk off my burger and fries so I journey further towards city hall to where lots of homeless people congregate at the park next to the library. I see some friendly faces and some not so friendly. I must look like a cop with some of the looks I get, but no one says anything as I pass by with a smile on my face. I pray for those who smile and for those who don’t. I don’t shy away from conversations much ( at least I don’t think I do ), and unless the person is not making any sense or seems like they are about to physically lash out, I usually stop and have a chat. Some lady was screaming at some guy and I didn’t want to stare along with everyone else so I continued walking through the park and headed towards the main drag ( Pine Avenue ). Prior to crossing the street, I hear loud shouts from across the street and see a guy waving his hands in the air and cursing at the top of his lungs about something. He seems to be screaming at everyone who walks past him. The people walking by him ignore him. I pray for peace to be in his heart and for his mind to be cleared. I then notice a city employee riding on one of those two-wheeled machines; the folks dressed in red polo shirts and giving directions to people, sort of acting like security watchmen sometimes. This city employee approaches the man and engages him in conversation. The man ceases his yelling and is explaining something using his hands to the guy on the wheels. I cross the street as the yelling man, now not yelling but still talking out loud to no one listening, walks away from the city employee. I walk to the city employee and ask if he was trying to ask the guy to go back to the park ( I saw him gesture towards the park and thus wondered if he was asking him to go to the park ). He said he wasn’t. He said that people are allowed to stay at the park until 10pm when the park closes. He said having the guy standing outside of a business is considered loitering and that was what he was telling the yelling man, who is now gone from sight. I asked what happens to those people who don’t have a home and ten o’clock comes around. He says the police sometimes clear them out. I thanked him for his time and was on my way.
From there I walk a block and notice the cigar shop / lounge which I heard had been renovated is open. It had been closed for some time and I had only peeked into it several years ago. I approach a woman sitting outside and she looks to be the owner. I ask and she says she is. I begin to tell her about the oldest cigar store I visited while in Chicago earlier this week and she invites me in to see her selection of cigars. I begin to ask beginner questions and she is very happy to educate me on the different types and which kind of cigar goes best with which drinks and so on. I had been walking quite a bit by now so I decided to buy a cigar, have a seat and enjoy her newly renovated store. The other gentlemen in the store and those arriving were very friendly and I was surprised to see how practically every new arrival to the store said hello to everyone in the room, some even going person to person. I ended up staying for a few hours while enjoying some very lively debates and friendly conversations with the patrons. I learned quite a bit about them and about myself.
I am always surprised at how, after people open their mouths to speak, I begin to see past my initial impressions of them. I sadly must admit that I too often judge people by their appearance before I give them a chance to share what is on their heart and mind. I also must admit that I sometimes feel like I am the only thinker in the room... wrong, so very wrong and arrogant of me to think this way. Just like my anger steaming beneath my breadth is a difficult dog to handle sometimes, so can my judgmental view on a lot of people and things be difficult to look past. It was great to listen to real life experiences from some of the men in that room, for their experiences and wisdom can only add to mine. I hope I too shared some things they have never heard before.
I conclude the email discussion with my wife in the cigar shop realizing that I let petty things get to me, and that this becomes a distraction from the bigger picture and bigger issues of life. I am grateful that she isn’t afraid to share her thoughts with me and loves me enough to tell me what she honestly sees in me and isn’t afraid to tell me she really thinks while not being afraid of what or how I’ll respond. The truth may sting at times but it is refreshing and helpful to hear it from a place of love and support.
Prior to leaving the cigar lounge, one of the guys says “everyone is seeking community” when other men recall a recent weekend where some of the patrons had put together a barbeque feast just for the fun of it and at a moment’s notice. I share out loud that that was one of the solutions to the many issues we discussed when talking about politics, religion, abuse of authority by the police, war in foreign lands and other topics. They agreed. I realize that even in this cigar shop folks are discussing the things on their hearts and are seeking what is truth rather than what is believed to be truth. I see God’s hand in how He is shaping people’s perceptions ( my own of course ) in how they interact and approach the world around them. I see God’s grace moving even here.
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