When I Studied The Baritone Voice In Search Of My Ideal Beach

What does your ideal beach look like?

When I began attending junior college, I was not interested in more schooling.

My mother begged me to at least take one music class.

I was interested in music at the time (and a career in music), but didn't know where to start.

Her encouragement to at least go to college was a good call.

It changed my life for the better.

College began more as a place for me to socialize.

College was not like high school or my 12-year schooling experience up until that point.

I grew up a lot in college.

Their lack of 'strict rules' besides not being a dangerous person or violent, was a welcoming point.

I remember reading on the wall something like 50% of success is showing up.

I liked reading that, because I was at least showing up to a single class per semester and in fact did enjoy the few hours I spent in class and getting to know students.

Some may say that a lack of demand in me 'getting a job' or 'getting a degree' was not good.

Why?

Because everyone else is doing that?

It seems, as I now look back on my life, I was one who was to never be like everyone else... and I thank the Lord for this!

It was when I was trying to be like others that caused most confusion, strife, and discomfort for me.

There was also the discomfort of being made to think I didn't fit in or was not welcomed.

Those feelings motivated me to focus inward and also on things Above.

Contemplation.

Reflection.

Learning.

Growth.

It was some years later that I became a professional student and began taking the classes needed to move onto a university.

I began to take a few more classes per semester, until I finally began doing it full time.

I first had to grow up a bit and learn what an adult was.

I learned most what an adult was not by looking at other so-called adults acting like children.

I had to develop some discipline as to getting school work done and taking school seriously.

I explored who I was, what life was about, and the more important issues of life... like being honest and being nice to others regardless.

Not sure exactly why, but my mind (heart) was not pursuing such concepts in high school.

Perhaps the difference was an obligation to complete a curriculum I had little choice in.

Perhaps it was my age and other social dynamics wreaking havoc (broken home life).

Perhaps, also, it was just trying to survive the time capsule that school can be for some kids.

Sure, in high school we have some choice in classes and friends.

But I'm not sure if some teenagers know why they are interested in certain things.

Or if they understand large concepts like history or math.

Or why they want to have certain friends or feel hurt when they are not friends with 'those' kids.

I know I didn't at that time... and besides the 'life' of work and relationships, I've reflected on the past in trying to understand the 'how's' and 'why's'... 

It's taken me the years and real-world experiences since high school to finally learn what history class in grade school and high school was trying to teach me.

Although I had memorized lots of information, it was 'life' that brought the understanding... and arriving in a timely fashion to make better sense of the information I was given.'

There is always more information to add to one's limited understanding, and somehow perhaps wisdom will be gifted.

When I began working some minimum wage jobs and had to deal with intolerable characters (other employees and managers) is when I realized what political science was trying to teach me.

People are jerks simply because they can be... and may get away with it.

But the reality is that people never really get away with anything in this life, no matter who may be convinced of injustice going ignored.

Enter music into my life.

Music's fun and joy (listening and playing it) was like a saving grace for me... but also a point of trouble.

I had my heart and mind set on becoming a 'rock star' for all the wrong reasons one desires to become a rock star.

What was nice about the curriculum at the junior college was the classical education.

They were not teaching popular music, but the classics up until the jazz age.

For a kid of 17 years who grew up listing to rock and rap and pop, the thought of sitting through Mozart or jazz standards was like torture.

My ignorance of music beyond three chords and distortion repeated for 16 bars was denying the wisdom of higher culture and impeccable talent.

Popular and folk music opens the door, but some people stay at the doorstep and think themselves as musical prodigies when they are just getting good.

When the musician thinks they've arrived at the back door and see themselves as 'the artist formerly known as somebody', they have simply walked indoors.... and are likely 'the artist still known as nobody'.

Part of my 'taking it easy' after high school was the reality that I had no trust fund waiting for me.

I was not to inherit a successful business or participate in some form of nepotism in a business or political manner.

This scared me... for there was a sense of 'freedom' and easiness when still in school.

So it took me some time to come to terms with this world's reality and my place in it.

With the pursuit of learning, knowing, understanding, and growth that accompanies all such efforts, fears subsided and dreams began be grounded.

That rock star dream was vacated for the more practical and more viable.

Music served (and still serves) its purpose... yet my identity is not found through music, but music is a small part of my identity.

Talent is the gift, and although I can surely earn an income as a professional musician, that is a lesser pursuit than what life has called me to.

It can be a noble profession that of an artist, a musician.

And if a musician is able to be grounded, to be a decent human being and not let their talent go to their head (and corrupt their heart), then such a calling is a blessing for others to experience.

How sad it is when someone has a talent and yet their person is deplorable, or they are a jerk.

How wonderful it is when someone has a talent of being a decent person... and they are good at something or many things.

I eventually began taking core classes to complete the basic requirements for a degree, maybe after year six of junior college.

I was dragging my feet, that's for sure. 

I think I needed time to figure out what I wanted to do... and such exploration has never ceased in my life.

So... what does your beach look like?

What is your preferred landscape to enjoy?

Some people's landscape is the work they do... and they are 'at home' in such an environment.

Always consider: does your ideal situation, occupation, or identity serve others as you perceive it to serve yourself?

Here is an audio (video) of the first Italian song I learned at the junior college.

The lyrics, as many things of life, make much more sense now in my 43rd year than it did when I was a late-teen and simply wanted to be idolized for being a reckless soul.

The lyrics in Italian:

Lasciatemi morire

E che volete

che mi conforte

in così dura sorte

in così gran martire

Lasciatemi morire! 

Their English translation:

Let me die

And what you want

that will comfort me

in such a harsh fate

in such a great martyr

Let me die!

My voice never achieved such splendor as the baritone in the video / audio, but the collective lessons learned in that effort have been returned in dividends beyond a musician's identity and a successful career can provide.... this much is true.