One For The Road

On my way to one of the local places I frequent to get work done, I come across a man standing on the sidewalk asking me for some change so he can buy a bottle of vodka.  The gentleman is much younger than I and doesn’t look like he’s been living on the street.  He’s speaking with another gentleman who later turns out to be a relative of his.  The solicitor says the alcohol helps him.  He was also attempting to gather enough money from his relative for his ‘medicine.’ 

After he finishes his initial pitch for money, I say I cannot contribute to his cause.  He responds saying that at least he was honest about it.  I said his honesty is more like denial in thinking more alcohol is a solution to whatever the real problem is.  He is already intoxicated and the noon hour has yet to arrive.

I find this occurrence to coincide with what my thoughts were on my walk this morning.  I was recollecting someone I knew who had battled with alcoholism for years.  For years they hid their issue from me and many others.  I remember speaking with them at times and it was like someone else was speaking through them.  Their mannerisms, their words and their actions continued to the extremes until the law caught up with their lawlessness.  Logic and understanding seems to fail the reasoning behind such self destruction. 

I’ve had my bouts with self destruction and almost triumphed in destroying every relationship around me and every good thing I had been blessed with.  I almost numbed my mind and heart to the point of excusing my negative thoughts.  I had brought about my troubles.  I had no one to blame but myself.  I chose to stop hurting myself and live.